Threesomes
by Shay

 

Having a threesome is a really hot fantasy, but sometimes bringing this fantasy into reality can be a big challenge – especially if you’re in an exclusive relationship already.

Introducing a third to your bedroom isn’t something that should be taken lightly, it can put some serious strain on your relationship. Sometimes things don’t go well and a relationship has to be strong to survive. But, let’s assume that your relationship is a strong one and that your threesome will be fun, sexy, sweaty, orgasmic, and something that brings you and your partner even closer together.

Now, how should you go about suggesting this sexy adventure to your partner?

The first step to suggesting a three(or more)-some to your partner is an important one: figure out why you want to do it. It is because you thought it might be fun for both of you? It is because you’re really turned on by the idea of watching your partner have sex with someone else? Because you like the idea of having someone else watching you have sex with your partner? Or is it because you want to try having sex with someone else and this seemed like a “safe” way to do it?

You should also seriously think about the reality of the threesome. How will you feel if this new person is able to pleasure your partner just as well as (or better than) you? Or how might your partner feel if circumstances are reversed? Many people neglect to consider how shocking it can be to hear their partner making their special “O” noise when someone else is at the reins.

So, let’s assume that you’ve totally thought this thing through and that you have great reasons for wanting to do this threesome – you’re prepared for and excited about anything that might happen once things get hot. It’s time to move on to actually presenting this idea to your partner.

If you’re not sure how your partner might react when you suggest having a threesome, it might be a good idea to warm them up to it by watching porn together of threesomes or of couples swinging. This will help get the idea into their head that a threesome can be a lot of fun and could be a good thing for you to try together. Watching the threesome porn together will also hopefully help you figure out how your partner might feel about it (are they enjoying the porn or freaking out?) and gives you a chance to introduce the idea of trying it yourselves.

When you suggest trying a threesome, it’s very important to reassure your partner that they do satisfy you and that you aren’t just looking to sleep with another person – remember that the suggestion of a threesome can make some partners feel insecure and threatened.

If your partner is receptive, try suggesting another small step: going to a strip club together. If things keep going well, buy a couple of lap dances: one for each of you. This is sorta like your threesome on training wheels; it will give you both an impression of what a real threesome might be like and how it might make each of you feel.

Once you have both decided that you both would really enjoy having a threesome, you can start to figure out which of your friends/acquaintances you might like to invite or you could both set up a personal add together. Often picking someone that you don’t already have another relationship with (co-workers, best friends, exes) is the best way to go, because things are less likely to get complicated.

Next it’s more talking – hey now, don’t complain, you do want a good threesome don’t you? Before you actually have your threesome, you need to talk to your partner (and potentially your third) to figure out some ground rules. It’s important to make sure that things don’t go further than anyone is comfortable with.

For example, how far are each of you allowed to go with the third? Should only one partner be allowed to kiss them or both or neither? Who will be receiving oral? Who will be receiving penetrative sex? Are toys okay, and if so, which ones? Does anyone have any allergies (latex, silicone, fruit, shellfish, lube, etc)? Similarly, if you are swinging with another couple instead of doing a threesome, you need to decide if a full partner swap is going to happen, or if you are just going to watch each other.

Laying out rules and restrictions in advance might sound tedious, but it’s better than trying to ask in the heat of the moment and should help prevent things from getting out of control - having to end the night early with hurt feelings is not very sexy.

However, it’s still important to remember that once things get hot, things could change: someone might forget the rules, someone might try something unexpected, or someone might change their mind about a restriction. So it’s very important that all participants know that they need to speak up right away if something is wrong, right, or could be better. For instance, if halfway through the night your partner decides that she would indeed enjoy some double penetration, she needs to speak up and find out if the others are comfortable with that as well.

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Similarly, if you decide that you actually can’t handle your partner giving the third oral sex, you also shouldn’t be shy about speaking up. If someone tries something that you don’t like, let them know – only do what is fun for you, because that is the whole point of this sexy adventure. However, as important as it is to speak up, there’s no need for shouting or causing a scene with bad manners – a simple “no thank you” should suffice.

And try not to complain or coerce someone into doing something that they aren’t really comfortable trying – it’s up to people to push their own boundaries and pressure from you could just make things awkward and will reduce the chances that they will want to play (or play again).

By the way, one rule that should not be bent or broken is this one: use protection. Don’t double dip, ideally you should be changing condoms between members of the threesome and between orifices, as well as using dental dams and condoms for oral sex. Taking out the rubbers doesn’t suggest that anyone participating is “unclean” or untrustworthy – using condoms is just the right and responsible thing to do. As I always say: better to be safe than itchy – or dead. ^_~

Besides laying down rules and restrictions, it’s a good idea to set up some signals. This is a quick and easy way to let each other know when you might be feeling left out, need a break, or if things have really gone out of your comfort zone. Like safe words, this can be a more comfortable way to make a change in the action without having to resort to jumping up and down, shouting and waving your arms in the air.

It might also be a good idea of plan out the other, less-sexy, details of your adventure as well: will your third be sleeping over? As well as making sure that there are plenty of snacks and drinks (non-alcoholic too) to keep everyone fed and hydrated throughout and after the play.

Finally, you’re ready for your threesome (or swinging) adventure! Don’t forget to relax and have a great time exploring your fantasies and sexuality!

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